I have Asperger’s Syndrome. And with that comes something many people don’t understand: vivid memories. Not just remembering things, but feeling them again like a scene playing in my mind.
I remember going to my cousin’s home, back when life felt quiet. Peaceful. We’d hang out during the day, and I’d record memories on my phone random stuff like music, jokes, or just sitting there doing nothing. And somehow, those moments felt like everything.
Today, I still remember it all. The way the sun hit the floor. The ringtone playing from my TNT callertune. The feeling of safety I didn’t have to explain.
Maybe the world moved on. Maybe people forgot. But my brain didn’t.
I miss those days. And sometimes, missing it hurts.
Now I’m here in bed, laying my back against the wall, and writing this. It’s beautiful. I cried, because I remember so many vivid memories. And somehow, it still makes me feel safe here in my home. Back then, we used to play bahay-bahayan in the forest. ☹️
And when it was 4Ps payout days, we’d all gather and wait at our cousin’s house. It felt safe and sound. I remember my gay cousin we’d play music using TNT or Smart callertune codes. We had keypads, not smartphones. We used the Facebook HTML version, and had to manually refresh the page just to see new posts. It was slow, but it was fun.
We’d lay on the grass outside, playing and laughing. His brother, who wasn’t gay, played too we played everything. Tagu-taguan, habulan, and more. There were no phones, no stress. Just pure joy.
I also remember this one time I loaded ₱10 for “Wattpad 10” on my keypad phone, expecting to download the Wattpad app. I didn’t know any better I was so curious. My mom got mad at me, LOL. I was really dumb back then… but I was happy.
Whenever it was Christmas season, we’d use our DVD player to listen to songs like “Magkasama Tayo Ngayong Pasko”, “Pasko Na Naman”, and “Star ng Pasko.” We’d practice those songs so we could sing outside to the neighbors. And now, when I hear those songs again… I cry nonstop. It’s like my brain replays everything, all over again.
During Christmas, we also cooked pancakes together. That was our holiday food simple, but perfect. And during typhoons, after the rain stopped, we’d go outside and look for cool stuff in the trash. Not for money, but for fun for games. We once found an old solar panel and collected other working tech. Sometimes, we even found phones. We kept them like treasure.
Whenever I needed someone, I’d go to my cousin. And during the rainy season, me and my other friends would gather and play multiplayer games together BombSquad, Minecraft, Fishing Hook, Mini Militia, Temple Run, and more. We didn’t need Wi-Fi. We didn’t care about anything else. We just loved each other and had fun.
We even used to watch Kwentong Pambata, like Rumpelstiltskin. Our phones were always low on storage, but we forced it just to download what we loved. When a stranger came to our place during events, and I saw them using a cool phone, I’d approach them and ask to share. That was normal and exciting.
When COVID-19 was still only in China, me and my friends were happily playing and enjoying viral 2019 songs like “Marikit”. We bathed together at the balon (well) and laughed so much. In the afternoon, my parents bought us a TV and satlite (tv box) we were so happy and didn’t even realize how special that moment was. Me and my girl cousin would chatter about people who acted “jejemon” and danced to viral songs. We were jealous because we didn’t have phones yet, just watching from a distance. But in 2021 and after, we finally had our own phones… and we didn’t even notice time pass.
I still remember asking a girl who had Kwentong Pambata on her phone to please share it with me. She agreed, and transferred it via Bluetooth to my phone. That was so special to me. Then 2020 came… and COVID finally hit the Philippines.
Then came COVID-19. At first, we were excited because of the class suspension. But later, we were the only household quarantined… for 2 and a half months. After that, I changed. I became shy to everyone. And honestly, I think my brain changed, too.
🧠 Table of Contents
💭 Why I Remember So Clearly
– People with autism, especially Asperger’s, often store memories like movies.
– Small moments stay sharp not just what happened, but how it felt.
– That includes sounds, emotions, voices, even smells.
🏠 That Cousin Memory
– I used to visit my cousin before, during the quiet times of my life.
– We’d just be together no pressure, no noise.
– I’d record memories and feel peace.
– We played bahay-bahayan in the forest like it was our own little world.
– We waited together for 4Ps, played music through TNT codes, browsed Facebook HTML manually, and just laid in the grass.
– Even without phones, we played everything: tagu-taguan, habulan, and more.
– I loaded Wattpad 10 on my keypad thinking I’d get the app. I didn’t. But it was funny.
– At Christmas, we listened to old songs on DVD, cooked pancakes, and sang outside. I still cry when I hear those songs now.
– During typhoons, we searched outdoors for trash we could play with. We found phones, solar panels, tech — and we collected them all.
– Before COVID hit, we were still bathing in the balon, listening to Marikit, and laughing under the sun.
– I watched others with phones and felt envy. Later, I had my own and barely noticed the change.
– A girl shared Kwentong Pambata with me through Bluetooth that meant everything.
– But COVID-19 changed me. I became more distant, more quiet, and my brain hasn’t felt the same since.
⚖️ Is It a Gift or a Burden?
– Sometimes it brings warmth, sometimes it brings pain.
– But I think it’s beautiful that I remember the things that mattered.
– Not everyone can hold on like this. I can. And that’s part of who I am.
Asperger Syndrome isn’t just a label. It’s a different way of feeling the world deeply, truly, and sometimes painfully. But I wouldn’t trade my memories for anything.
